Sometimes it is necessary to revisit the past in order to
make strides forward. I have been stuck in a never ending circle for the last
decade, probably longer – a real life Groundhog Day! I have done my best to
bite my tongue and keep the peace for the sake of others which has resulted in
inner chaos for me. What got me thinking about the past, was a member of my own
family posted a comment on twitter recently suggesting #getajob.
Writing and
motherhood are not jobs apparently. It did make me smile coming from someone
who has barely lived a life yet. What
hurt the most was the original comments came from someone I held in deepest
confidence. Another lesson learned the hard way. Needless to say I didn’t get an apology from either party but I’m kind of used to that now. Surely if you're big enough to insult someone then you're big enough to apologise when you get found out. Sorry is easy to say, really it is.
Menieres
If only life was as simple as #getajob. Although Menieres gave me the freedom to start
a new career in writing, it came at a huge cost – financially, psychologically
and physically. I don’t mind being honest, the
last ten years have been an absolute nightmare. Going from a five figure salary,
company car to virtual bankruptcy and doing it all my own brought me almost to
the brink of wondering whether life was worth it anymore.
I apply for jobs and have to disclose this ridiculously
unpredictable illness and guess what? Employers won’t take the risk even though
I am an incredibly hard worker. I would gladly work on top of the hours writing
and managing the pain, sickness, dizziness, fluctuations in hearing, tinnitus,
exhaustion, instability on my feet, the frustration and the loss of self-
confidence. I avoid social gatherings now because I find it so hard to hear
what everyone is saying and I hate asking people to repeat themselves. I then
chastise myself because I love being with people who stimulate my mind but
until there is a tolerance and acceptance of invisible illnesses, I face an
uphill battle to be accepted back into a workforce.
So tell me, #getajob, what do I do? Sit around, claim
disability, milk the system I paid into long before some were born? NO. I do a
degree, take part time work when I can get it, write until my hands are numb
AND bring two boys up, supporting them in their career and life choices. Is it
ideal? NO. I didn’t choose to become ill, to have this intruder but I certainly
don’t sit back and ask for sympathy and wallow in self-pity. I make the very
best of a bad situation. A situation made much worse by people around me who neither
understand, nor appreciate the struggle of life but yet feel they are in a
position to judge. I accept what life has given me and trust me, I absolutely
know things could be a lot worse. I hope I at least inspire my boys to know,
whatever life throws at them, however hopeless it seems, there is always a way
out.
Keep an open mind and an open heart
Like most people with a heart and a sense of humanity, I
have been deeply moved over the last few months at the plight of the world’s
refugees. At the end of the day, putting fictional labels aside, we are all human beings. Let’s just hope for a
new safe beginning for everyone involved. What horrors they must have seen and
experienced in their lives are unimaginable to us.
It really saddens me to witness people being racist and bigoted but then ignorance breeds ill-informed judgments.
It really saddens me to witness people being racist and bigoted but then ignorance breeds ill-informed judgments.
A new hope
I don’t know what it is at the moment but I am feeling
pretty nostalgic, especially when it comes to my music choices whilst working –
Beautiful South, Lionel Richie (yes, I still want to marry him!), Bob Marley,
BareNaked Ladies and many more. I blame Jeremy Corbyn but in a good way! He has
restored my faith in the Labour Party, some human beings and life. I feel young
again. Or, it could be that Lucas is totally into Star Wars and I feel like a
child when I see all the new merchandise in the shops. I certainly am NOT
complaining.
There is hope after life’s curve balls, I promise you.
Writing
If you are still with me, I love you all. I am involved in
a number of projects at the moment but think I am going to have to ditch the
PhD idea due to lack of funding – it always comes down to money! Anyway,
hopefully when my writing is successful I can fund my own Doctorate.
Streetwise
“Life’s
path can change in the blink of an eye or the detonation of a bomb. Rob Kennedy
should have been planning a wedding not a funeral. Consumed with guilt and
grief, suicide seemed his only escape from his perpetual nightmare until a
single act of kindness by a real life guardian angel, saves him from himself.
Twelve months on, unable to
trace each other, Rob and Kate’s paths are about to cross once more in
extraordinarily circumstances.”
The Nanny
Sixteen hours one Sunday I sat and wrote the full draft
Treatment for this script. I struggle with my memory sometimes so if I have an
idea, I have to write it down immediately. This script idea initially came to
me about eighteen months ago but never went much further than a one page
scribble, until now. Wow! I love building suspense and twists into my work and
quite often add some of them in during the edit. This is the first time I have
planned each scene before writing the dialogue. We’ll see how much it changes
during writing.
“Sometimes the past cannot be
laid to rest without direct intervention. John and Martha O’Grady were victims
of the conflict in Ireland. They may have survived but witnessing the death of
their parents and grandparents at the hands of the IRA had left indelible
horror on their young minds. Orphaned, they were split up. Martha was sent to a
convent and John adopted and moved to Manchester.
Thirty years on they are about
to be reunited only to find the horrors of their past re-appear with
potentially fatal consequences.”
Beyond the Past
Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0
Rugby League
Sheffield Eagles is a great club. Hopefully Wes will be moving to the Under 19s and he is
already preparing for it now, so fingers crossed. Whatever the outcome, it has
been a great year and I am glad I was around to be a part of it. Roll on the
new season…
Well, it is certainly time to look forward to new hope and
new beginnings. Autumn is my favourite time of year. Whilst writing this, there
is a chill in the air yet bright sunshine is bursting through the trees into
the dining room. I have a really good feeling about the last few months of this
year, a really great feeling.
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